Sorting through my life, one picture at a time...
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I don’t post nearly as much as I should

Too much has gone on lately in my head to think about this. I had a good drive today and a song came on I hadn’t heard in years, immediately I was in your car, you drumming on the steering wheel driving up Rock City hill, and it made me miss you. I miss NY, I miss old friends, I miss when life was simple. I keep trying to push those feelings down under everything else I’ve been feeling but everytime they come back up they’re even more intense. There are days I have to fight to get up, to go to work, to function at work, to hold back tears. Swallow it down and smile has become my mantra, crying when I’m alone so I don’t have to deal with the questions. My anxiety has been in full swing, ready and waiting to attack me at the worst moments. It seems the only thing that has helped is exploring, finding new places to photograph, but even at that I feel too tired to do. I just wish I could have a week of “one more nights” - one final night with you, one with each different group of friends I’ve had over the last 12 years, one last night to spend saying goodbye to a good friend gone too soon. Maybe then I could start to find peace within myself.

Reblogged from lickgold  385 notes

tiramasu:

I thought about suicide the other day,
how I’d do it, who’d miss me,
then I realized what I’d miss. Nature and art truly gets me by. It brings me peace, it shows me why I’m here.
I smile a lot to mask my feelings
sometimes I feel useless and unwanted.
and then I look at my artwork
and this beautiful life god has given me.
I’m sure it would be amazing to
paint with the angels. Draw still life’s
of the fruits and berries amongst the
clouds. but it’s not my time yet.
Art literally keeps me alive.